I want to go back to the way it was!!!

I miss my spotlight
T_T
these few years,
it seems like my spotlight isn't glowing anymore

until today
a technician came and confirmed the problem

very happy with her existence
she say she feels very old to talk to me like that
and she hates that feeling

but when I think again
this doesn't seem like a bad conversation
cuz I will realise how bad am I now
since that she hates it so much
she still tells me
which means I've reach a stage where controlling is much needed

self-control is what I need the most
being long-term over self confident is no good
I made myself feel good
others made me feel bad

I'm thankful that I have these kind of pure hatred people surrounding me
and because of this,
I can stand up faster
realising my mistakes faster

now that I'm thinking far,
when I reach the society,
people will make me feel good, as if!
I will not realise my mistakes as fast as in school
the results and the attitude differs
school is a very pure thinking place
but the society is different
which kinda scares me now

I feel so terrible now
but I'm going to end this feeling within this MONTH
I have faith in myself
than I can fulfill this wish

(recently added into resolution list)