not so happy after all

it all started on thursday

when my QQ with his wife, Yukari and my cousin Ellie (Eri)

we had lots n lots of fun

since that ellie can only talk ande understand jap,

i learnt a few word in jap

and my jap is improving

n_n*

i learnt to do the obento song along with the actions

(later i'll get the lyrics)

they went back yesterday..

i'm missing ellie very much now~

i remembered that whenever there ppl calls her off

she would go to a person that she trusts and cry

but she didn't cry for long

very short period only

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i got most of my exam papers already

here are my results

BM    - 70 

BI      - 75  

MM   - 70 

AM    - 45 

Bio     - 67

Phy    - 63

Chem - 70

Sej     - 41 

Moral - 84

none failed

but still dissapointed laa

today when i got into class

my table was swapped

and when i was abt to leave class to chem lab,

then only i realize that i did left books under my table

so i searched all the tables in my class

but i couldn't find it

T~T

i was very very depressed

i screwed up everythg

when ppl greet me, i didn't eply them

(that was rude)

and Edi called my name from the 3rd floor

FEW times,

i got so frus-ed

i shouted "shut up" at him

(gomei)

when i was in the lab,

i paid no attention to tcher

she wasn't teaching btw..

she was discussing abt the exam paper

i asked a piece of A4 paper from dear

i scribbled on the paper to release my anger

i filled up one side of the paper

then i fliped to the other side

i was scribbling slowly then suddenly i sped up

i broke down

i cried

my tears were dripping on the table

and on my skirt

tcher asked what happen to me,

thx izzul n chepah for telling to tcher

so that i dun hef to say

after crying,

i gave my place to priya that was sitting by the sink

i sat on the floor

i didn't cry

most prob cuz dried up

i cried 4 times last night

the bell rang

i went down to class

when i pass by the hall

i saw a stack of books that looked really familiar

then i took it up

"KAITLYNN", my name was on it

my books!!!

finally found em

~>.<~

thank God

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

last night i was crying

i cried 4 times

i got really numb after crying

i tried to reach out for cuppy

i called him twice

but seems like he was sleeping soundly

and din realise my call

i think this can be connected from monday

on monday,

i went to the same tuition centre as cuppy for the first time

gan zheong gan zheong

wana surprise him

n_n

i plan to go there for very long time ad

i din go that time cuz i had a good home tutor

i understd what she taught

so i ended up not taking that tuition

until may...

mid of may to be exact

i called up and asked that centre's tutor if i could join their class

the tutor said that they are having revision

so no point going

then he said that i can start on mid june

(the monday that i went lor)

and pay for half of a month's fee

after sch i went home

eat, shower and so on

never thought that my plan wud fail
turns out that cuppy came earlier than nic
(nic was supposed to be the early one to reach cuz he was the one who ba wei for us)
when i saw cuppy,
i hold on to his arm
he was shocked
but not happy
when he was toking to nic only i know that he din sleep
so there is where all his cranky-ness came from
but still
i dun deserve to be treated that way
i zi ren i din do anythg wrong arh..
when i wanted to tok to cuppy abt this,
he said that he din wana tok abt it
umm...
kekk sam
i continued sending msgs to him
but his replies were like
"um" "em" "owh" "ya" "oo"...
very fu yan
=.="
then i asked if he wanted time on his own
he said he'd appreciate it
so gave him lorr...
then when i needed him,
no replies....
same goes to tues, weds n today
he will tell me that he was tired.
i recal that the last time i let him go cuz
he was never there when i needed him
i wud go "where were you when i needed you most?"
"you were never there"
even he was there he wud go
"um" "ah" "oh"...
if not ler then tok thgs that he shuden hef said
haixx
he finally choi me ad wor..
say wad also hef to kang lah
"daijoubu" i told myself

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

cuppy,
i've chosen you after so many swaps
is bcuz i realised that you are the one
i want to be with for my entire life
and not just now

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

tiring tiring tiring