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I need power

How nice and not nice it would be to be able to tell when will my pain start and stop again. This endo thingy is so sudden. It strikes just like that, maybe not. I'm now looking out for pain triggers.

Yesterday my pain gradually increased until I felt paralyzed on mum's bed. (I was watching TV with her) I was thinking through what I have eaten to trigger such excruciating pain. Then I also realised that I was sitting for a long period of time, attempting to finish my assignment. I had always been in pain when I sit, unless I was sitting slantingly, like how I was on the hospital bed.

I generally don't do work on bed, so, I tried once, it doesn't work that way. I can't get hold of my reading pack. Difficult times. The thing about my bed and I now is that, we spend like 2/3 of the day together. Apparently, lying down helps for me and if I don't move, I don't feel pain. When I sit, even breathing is a painful activity, that is when I breathe harder than usual. Distraction is a good pain killer for me, but once I'm conscious about my pain, it strikes real hard.

Being immobile is okay, at least there's no pain. However, when it comes to needing to go to the toilet...............and I can't move, it sucks real time.

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Aaaaah.....!!

So much pain going through at once for 5 ocnsecutive days. Apparently the contraceptives was a form of pain control. My menses arrived 4 days prior to my appointment with my doctor, and that was the day he decided to jab me with contraceptives. Sad... No one expected it to arrive exactly on the 29th day. I hardly have an ordinary 28 day cycle. It usually runs within a range of 28-33 days. Every cycle was different. I'm getting my next jab next month.


Prior to my surgery, my doctor asked me to look up on endometriosis, which I didn't. I thought that it was just a name of how my ovarian cyst grew up to that monstrous size. When I went to revisit my doctor on Monday, the day I got my jab, he was showing me the pictures he took of my uterus, i think. There was this one black spot and a part that looks like a swollen ulcer. He explained that these nerves on my uterus were suppressed by my big cyst, so I wasn't able to feel the pain. Now that the cyst is gone, I could feel it. I was officially diagnosed with endometriosis. No yay, but ouch.

There's no known cure for endometriosis uptil today. Most patients just live with pain management and hormone treatment to control the pain. I'm now here, feeling slightly better and writing my blog with my ipad. My assignments are crazily overdue, but I just can't manage with my pain. Pain killers aren't killing my pain. 

These painful days on bed, I spent time searching for support groups. Seeing others sharing their experience allowed me to kinda foresee what are my next options. It's both scary and comforting. Mixed feelings. 

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