我其实很想知道
AdSense的钱好不好赚？
因为我没赚过，然后很想赚看看
以后才可以拿来当故事，当话题来讲嘛。。。
我要结婚了！！可是没有婚礼
要死。
焦虑。
我真的OK吗？
结婚这件事，
我们谈了很久
其实，一开始就有在谈了
我问他，你养我么？
我很贵的哟
因为我有医药费和药物费要付
这是别人可能没有带来的负担
他说，养！
然后就到我们在东京分离的那天
“我会每天联络你哟”
果然我们差不多每天晚上都视频聊天
7月，我的毕业典礼，他来了我家
11月，这份工开始之前，我去了他家
3月，他又来了，虽然只有2天
到今天，就这样，1年2个月3天就过了
5月他又会再来
好像是要求婚了
。。。。。。。。我要结婚了！！
真不敢想象
今天视频聊天时，
他问我，不办婚礼可以吗?
呃。。。。。
我没有想过会是完全不办的捏
说好明年办呀
别说不办好吗？
我喜欢热闹
喜欢招待人
我对婚礼有憧憬，真的
对经济不实惠，我知道
我想，如果我这一生没有婚礼的话
我会有遗憾，总觉得会缺一块
你要知道，
我是在一个连生日都要每年办的家庭长大的
你叫我完完全全不办婚礼，我不行
我的底线是婚宴
我想，真件事要好好的坐下来谈一谈
工作 - 辛苦捏
我去年11月，
被一个日语周刊的公司聘请了
当销售员
3个月试用期后
我转乐进编辑+电话销售
再过3个月
我现在是编辑
我梦寐以求的工作捏
又可以发挥创意
正式的去想想广告设计
安排人手
听别人指示，下令指示
工作时间光明正大吃喝玩乐
是个很好玩的工作，很好的经验
我很喜欢
同时，我压力也很大
工作做不完
每个星期都是一样
赶Deadline
因为是周刊的关系，更急
听说月刊也很忙
我想象不了
最近我在忙周刊和年刊的事
忙死了！！
我时间安排得不够好
有经验的人拿了产假，离开了
=(
公司的人让我自由发挥
我。。。发挥得不够好
我认为啦
可能会更糟糕
工作真的需要推动力
我没有
我是在打发时间，顺便累积一些经验
我没有要赚钱，存钱
我真的没有
就算给我开始了这里的生活，
那又怎样？
到最后还是要离开，要出国的
我不能对这里的东西有情节纠纷
我到最后是要放下，
到新的地方适应生活
开始材米油盐的平淡生活
无业
太久没有写东西真的会生锈哦
我没有回来
我真的没有
前途迷惘
我当上了无业人士
没有人要我
呜呜
其实我。。。没有很想就业
同时
呆在家也不是办法
虽然吃喝住是没有问题
每天都干一些有的没的
开始失去意思
原本抱着一个可以改变我国的精神回家
才发现，那是我自以为是
太大的梦想很容易令人想放弃
我在想着
每个人都有辉煌时期
我的，难道停留在初中了吗？
曾经一时的【我们仨】
单纯的友情
怎么那么的政治化
政治是恰当的形容词吗？
我们的关系
就只有互相默默的读对方的部落格吗？
我们不再说话了吗？
有些感情
没了就是没了
唯有把它当作是最美好的记忆
记忆里，
一切都是好的
因为今日的ta
已不再是那天认识的ta
所以，
应该没必要如以往联络了吧？
可以的话，
固然高兴
没的话
也无所谓
因为在一起的日子是我人生中其中一个精彩的部分
跨国际 恋爱
欧巴
呵呵，好人一个
超爱我，我也爱他
算一算
我们分隔两地有两个星期了
难熬是预料的事
是没怎么吵过架
每天还会互相努力见一见面
Skype 和 Teamviewer 成为了我们之间的桥梁
因为语言有所差距
没办法
国外华裔和韩国人
融入是不可能的啦
唯有努力找出中间点
我记得在日本的时候
我们想开Youtube看看影片
可是我们想看的东西都不一样
难
然后我在看本地华裔作品时，
他又不明白，我又解释不了
其实要解释也行
是要花很多心思和努力，时间也要做考量
我们俩语言和文化已经有够多的挑战了
现在还要搞远距离
上苍呀
别欺人太甚呀
每分每刻能够用信息来联络
其实还好
可是别人看到我们之间的信息的话
应该会吓到
因为我是大部分打日语
他却是打韩语
因为那两个语言很接近
Lost in translation 的机会很少
所以话题可以很顺畅地谈
幸福之旅
这星期很幸福
有人来探望我
我也有探望人
科科
真的啦
幼儿园到小学
在一起上学的朋友
现在我们一起
在日本留学
都是关西^_^
跟她真的好久不见
这个星期五会见面
真好
今天星期六，
和蛋白质们去USJ
耍浪漫
圣诞节的气氛
七早八早起床是最辛苦的啦
拖了某某蛋白质的福，
起得来
恭喜恭喜
火车越来越多人
却感觉越来越孤单
这是什么现象
星期二又要乘搭
同一个方向
向往京都迈进
同一个风景
开始有点腻
可是为了家人
科科
岚山嘢！
想去很久了
奈良
上星期去了
很好玩
鹿鹿们很可爱
仙贝먹을래?
在日本留学遇见了……科科
最近开始很诗情画意
不知道是不是很季节有关
还是忧郁症的症状又回来了
在大马一年四季都是——夏
日本四季分明
所以还真的不知道那些诗人的灵感是从哪儿来
科科
现在总算是知道了
现在的确是来到了日本留学
开了两个月
回了一趟家
又在倒回日本
在这里
我认识了日本人，中国人，台湾人，，泰国人，韩国人，还有荷兰人
最近和韩国欧巴走得很近
他教我韩语
他只会日韩两种语言
我的日语和韩语却有限公司
所以沟通上的确有障碍
由于爱疯的电池有问题
我也索性换了电话
换回去小米
大爱小米电池
4100mah不能嫌弃
超强der
爱疯连一半都没有
而且随着天气的变化
很快死
我也给它气死了
偏偏在需要它的时候给我死掉
偶
还有
这里的大学
跟预期想象的有落差
很像中小学的模式
有钟声会响起
科科
动漫似的
生命 ～ 秋篇
人，可以很坚强
生命，却依然很脆弱
说走就走
怎么努力活着
总有一天都会走
珍惜，以来不及
往往失去后才有所领悟
最近天气转凉了
季节交替的现象
树上的红叶已剩无几
冬天将要来临
到那时，
一切都会消失——苍白
枯萎的落叶
即将当垃圾似的被抛弃
人们都将忘它们曾贡献的美丽

Shiga Dai Interview
I got so nervous that I mentioned one part wrongly about the number of hours for language classes.
Omo… It was 4 hours per week and 5 hours per week and I was thinking that each block was 30mins when it was actually 1 hour. I got so messed up. The interview happened at 10.20am and only at 7.00pm that I realised that. I wonder how they took it. I didn't lie, it was just because I wasn't thinking straight.
I had been in 30 mins block since Std 1 until Form 5, 11 years in total. After 4 years, I still haven't adjust to 1 hour blocks. Omo. Now I can't do anything but just wait for the results.
Ending the road of University of Nottingham
I've just handed up my dissertation two weeks ago. It was such a relief. But, I am still stuck at Tessa's Public Sphere essay, and here I am creating free content as a free labour. This university's approach on media studies and PR studies are really odd if compared with the other cheaper private universities around the Klang Valley.
After that essay, I will be going on a brain break to Osaka, Japan. It will be so much fun and guilt. I will be going to USJ again, and take advantage of the Express pass which I made my waipo bought out of the selfish id. (Sigh) Besides that, I will also be going back to Kobe town to fetch my mum some Wagyu. Yummy beef. More to that is the summer in Kyoto. I am now deciding on renting a yukata or bringing mine. The rental price is roughly around 6000 Yen. Ouch.
So, after the trip, I might be looking for a job, earn some money during my free days. I am applying to go for an exchange programme to Japan. Shiga University had recently become an option for us to go to Japan as an exchange student. This is another costly experience. If only I get through the interview, I shall go. I really do hope so that I could.
After learning about Marxism, I begin to be able to apply his theories today. There is so much commodification today, especially with my encounters on Japanese trips. The ability to buy time and experiences with money is so obvious. Even my degree is a commodity, by paying for a prestigious name on my degree is the proof. Singapore doesn't seem so like to hire students from my university, though.
I should get back to my essay.
I'm Speechless
I feel so bad
Everything went so well and bad at the same time
I bought the Express Pass for Universal Studios Japan
It was freaking expensive, but the queue was so not worth it
If an RM700 ticket is going to get me on 8 rides in a day,
I would be so damn happy
I was selfish, I know, Id was speaking so loud
The last time I went to USJ and I was reluctant to get the Express Pass because it was EXPENSIVE
I thought it was not worth it, but I was wrong
That full price ticket only got me onto 2 rides and 1 attraction
The queue was crazy
But then again, if I had gotten the ticket, 2 rides were wasted
This time, I am so going to get onto the Backdrop and Harry Potter rides
Ok... maybe I was wrong to get the one that offers the most rides
RM37 for a ride on top of a full price ticket is ridiculous
I am feeling so so bad
Should I fork it out myself...?
What was I thinking....
oh yeah... grandma said she would pay for us if we wanted the Express
but it's waipo that is paying, said mum
This is the part where it scared me
I tried to show the cost of it, but......... the website was tricky
the showed entrance ticket and express ticket on different columns
and no show of the total
mum was shocked to learn that it was +22,000 and not =22,000
I feel bad
I wondered if there was another way to fulfill my Id and SuperEgo
Ego..... help me
I need a way to fulfill both of my Id and Superego
Superego is killing me now
I shall just cry my sorrows...
Maybe, just maybe
If I told mum about the price...
she might have stopped me, might
the things that I have missed out on the previous trip...
RM700 x 2, you better make my bro and I get what we are worth
rides rides rides..... Craving for rides....
In the meantime,
Japan theme parks, you and your 200 minutes wait
Curses
I hope your overpopulation problem gets solved naturally soon
厌讨
想起来，我好像很久没有来打理部落格了
不是因为忙，
而是有很多事发生了不方便公开
多数的怨言都写进日记里
考试时期又回来了
很忙，很烦，
昨天才尝试做去年的日语考卷
哇劳
顶不顺他的难度
虽然说拿到60以上就够了
可是
我们的大马中小学的教育局制度就是让我们觉得100分才是满分
但我私立大学就是把100分降成了70分
如今
70分＝100分
很不对捏
语言考试本来就是要提起我们的自信
才能让我们觉得学回来的是有用的
可是。。。可是。。。。死人英国大学制度就是要打败我自信
老师硬要提高难度
讨厌的啦
虽然说是看开了
说什么，会做一半就算很好了
可是，谁不想看到满分呀
努力了那么多，回报是60分 （虽然60分＝80分）
很不好受的捏，很不好看的啦
另外，我还有4000个字要呕
两天了，还在1000以下
几天后就要交了
死了。。。。。死了。。。。。
first successful cupcake
After many trials and errors in my cupcake baking history,
I have finally found my best method to baking this fluffy treats.
I tried cake recipes for my cupcake,
cupcake recipes,
in the end I resorted to my friend's introduction of 1-1-1 cupcake recipe
This recipe basically calls for 1 of everything
100g Self raising flour
100g Butter
100g Sugar (I cut mine into 55g)
1tsp Vanilla extract
1tbsp Milk
1 egg
and I modified and added
1/4 tsp Baking soda
1/2 tsp Vinegar
1 egg (which makes 2 eggs)
1tbsp Cocoa powder
1tsp Peppermint extract
1 pinch of salt
I also made sure that all of my ingredients were at room temperature.
The eggs change temperature faster when immersed in warm water.
I cut the butter into smaller cubes.
This was how I did mine
1. Beat egg whites with vinegar and sugar for 10 minutes
2. Beat yolk
3. In a separate bowl, cream the butter
4. Add the wet and dry ingredients together excluding the meringue
5. Whisk until all combined
6. Add half the meringue and hand whisk til combined
7. Add the rest of the meringue and hand whisk til combined
8. Scoop the mixture into the cupcake cups for baking
9. Bake at 170'c for 17-20 minutes (mine was done at 17 minutes)
The cakes came out really nice. Unlike my previous attempt, either the recipe was wrong or the timing. Because I recalled that I troubleshoot my recipe to make sure I do not overcook, as it shrunk and turned out dry. Plus, I was trying to make some minty cupcakes. Recalling that my mum wasn't a fan of vanilla extract, I added very little of it. As for the peppermint extract, I also didn't add enough of it, afraid that it might taste like toothpaste. So this time, I was more brave, I added more of those two, plus the chocolate extract that I accidentally bought.
I need power
How nice and not nice it would be to be able to tell when will my pain start and stop again. This endo thingy is so sudden. It strikes just like that, maybe not. I'm now looking out for pain triggers.
Yesterday my pain gradually increased until I felt paralyzed on mum's bed. (I was watching TV with her) I was thinking through what I have eaten to trigger such excruciating pain. Then I also realised that I was sitting for a long period of time, attempting to finish my assignment. I had always been in pain when I sit, unless I was sitting slantingly, like how I was on the hospital bed.
I generally don't do work on bed, so, I tried once, it doesn't work that way. I can't get hold of my reading pack. Difficult times. The thing about my bed and I now is that, we spend like 2/3 of the day together. Apparently, lying down helps for me and if I don't move, I don't feel pain. When I sit, even breathing is a painful activity, that is when I breathe harder than usual. Distraction is a good pain killer for me, but once I'm conscious about my pain, it strikes real hard.
Being immobile is okay, at least there's no pain. However, when it comes to needing to go to the toilet...............and I can't move, it sucks real time.
Aaaaah.....!!
So much pain going through at once for 5 ocnsecutive days. Apparently the contraceptives was a form of pain control. My menses arrived 4 days prior to my appointment with my doctor, and that was the day he decided to jab me with contraceptives. Sad... No one expected it to arrive exactly on the 29th day. I hardly have an ordinary 28 day cycle. It usually runs within a range of 28-33 days. Every cycle was different. I'm getting my next jab next month.
Prior to my surgery, my doctor asked me to look up on endometriosis, which I didn't. I thought that it was just a name of how my ovarian cyst grew up to that monstrous size. When I went to revisit my doctor on Monday, the day I got my jab, he was showing me the pictures he took of my uterus, i think. There was this one black spot and a part that looks like a swollen ulcer. He explained that these nerves on my uterus were suppressed by my big cyst, so I wasn't able to feel the pain. Now that the cyst is gone, I could feel it. I was officially diagnosed with endometriosis. No yay, but ouch.
There's no known cure for endometriosis uptil today. Most patients just live with pain management and hormone treatment to control the pain. I'm now here, feeling slightly better and writing my blog with my ipad. My assignments are crazily overdue, but I just can't manage with my pain. Pain killers aren't killing my pain.
These painful days on bed, I spent time searching for support groups. Seeing others sharing their experience allowed me to kinda foresee what are my next options. It's both scary and comforting. Mixed feelings.
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